You can't disguise a heart while it's breaking
by PG14
Summary: Sakura can't handle what's happened to her life. Sasukes gone. naruto had his own problems. Ino has her life figured out. Tsunade has passed away. Kakashi is gone on a long term mission. Naruto can't handle them either. He hates what he's become. Close2 M
1. Sakura

Chapter One

Naruto swayed back and forth uneasily as he made his way down the streets of Konoha. Sakura followed close behind him; her emerald eyes never leaving his backside for a moment. She was worried about him. She would of helped to steady him as he made his way back to his apartment in his drunken stupor but he refused her help. She hated when he became like this; so depressed and so angry that he was determined to drink until his problems were long forgotten, at least for the night. Sakura watched as he bumped into a tree and cursed as he scraped her arm on the rough bark.

"Naruto-kun, let me see it," Sakura scurried to his side and took his tan arm into her hands. She looked pale and ghostly illuminated in the moonlight compared to him. His arm was slightly cut up but it was nothing terrible.

"Let go of me, Sakura." Naruto tore his arm from her grasp and continued forward. She continued behind him until they reached his apartment. He pulled himself up the stairs, slowly, one by one he climbed. He leaned against the railing after each step and shook his head; clearing his vision. He finally made it up to his apartment, Sakura trailing behind. He dug through his pockets, throwing out all the contents that wasn't his house key. Sakura picked it all up: a condom, a stick of gum, some loose change. Once he found the key he hastily jammed it into the lock and fumbled with it until the door swung open. _Naruto-kun, can't you see what you're doing to yourself? Sasuke is not worth this. Look, Naruto-kun, I'm here for you now and I always will be. I'll take care of you, forget him. None of the things that have happened is worth you destroying yourself. _Sakura wanted to spill the words out so badly but she knew they'd mean nothing to him now and tomorrow he would probably barely remember her following him home.

He left his front door hanging open as he made his way towards his bedroom; Sakura shut the front door and placed his belongings onto the counter. "Sakura!" he called from the bedroom, "Sakura, I can't see."

Sakura walked in and helped him pull his shirt off his head. She then turned away as he thrashed around the room trying to pull off his pants. She turned around once she heard him stop bumping into things. He was passed out on his bed, his pants only half way off and his head hanging off the bottom of the bed. Sakura pulled off his pants and pulled his head onto the bed. She slid a pillow under his head of blonde hair and pulled the covers up to his chin before leaving him for the night.

Sakura walked slower now that Naruto was home in bed for the night. She looked at the sky and looked at the trees blowing slightly in the breeze. It was cold for late summer and she felt chilled even through her thick jacket. Her apartment was on the other side of town and she knew the walk would be long and cold. She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jacket and bit her lower lip slightly. _Naruto-kun_. Sakura thought of him four years ago when they first became a team and how happy and full of life he was. The Naruto she knew now was just a shell of what he once was, she barely knew this Naruto. His drinking addiction and his depression; it wasn't how he should be. He didn't deserve this.

Sakura," Sakura heard Sai's voice and she jumped slightly but turned and smiled once she regained her composure. Sai had gotten used to saying Sakura's name without a suffix and Sakura was glad Sai finally felt comfortable around her.

"Hey, Sai, why are you still awake?" Sakura pushed a smile onto her lips and momentarily pretended nothing was wrong. She felt Sai study her closely and her heart beat fast as she wondered if Sai knew something was wrong. If anyone heard of Naruto's problems he'd be ridiculed for it and the Hokage would most defiantly be upset with him and possibly expel him from being a ninja. Tsunade, unlike Hero, would understand but Tsunade-Sama is no longer around.

"I was drawing and lost track of time," Sai smiled at her. It was a smile that resembled his fake ones that he'd shown for so long but over time she saw it slowly gain life and truth to it, "why are you out so late, Sakura-chan?"

"I was out with Naruto and he lived closer to the restaurant so I walked home with him. I'm on my way back home now." Sakura kept up her smile despite the lump burning in her throat. She suddenly felt so tired and like everything around her was falling apart. Her life four years ago, back with the old Naruto, had been so perfect. Sasuke was on her team, her chance to make him fall in love with her. Naruto, at the time was a burden, but she came to care for him as well. She was surrounded by a family with team seven. Naruto, her brother. Kakashi, her father. Sasuke, the man of her dreams. When Tsunade came she became the motherly figure. Ino eventually became the sisterly figure in her life again. Sai was also like a brother after she got used to him. Those people made her feel at home. Now, Tsunade had passed away. Kakashi was away on a long term undercover mission. Sasuke...god knows what he's been up to lately. Naruto has fallen apart. He couldn't handle the changes happening around them like she could.

"I see," Sai nodded and they momentarily locked eyes. Sakura learned that Sai knew you were lying when you looked away. She didn't flinch at his glance. He seemed content with her answer, "I'll see you tomorrow at practice then."

"Alright," Sakura watched him run off toward his house which was only a few blocks from Naruto's. Sakura continued her long walk home in silence. She refused to think about anything besides how lovely the moon looked tonight and how pretty the city looks lit up.

Finally she reached her apartment complex and climbed the flight of stairs up to her home. She shared the apartment with Ino and her long time boyfriend, Kankuro. Ino had been introduced to Kankuro when Shikamaru introduced her to Temari, his girlfriend and her family. Apparently Ino and Kankuro hit it off right away; love at first sight. Sakura, though she hated to admit it, was jealous of what Ino and Kankuro shared. The only person she was ever close to having something like that with was Sasuke, and everyone knew that what she shared with Sasuke was basically nothing. Even Naruto had moved on once he realized she'd never loved him the way she loved Sasuke. Now, she wished she could go back in time and allow him to be her guy; even if she didn't love him. She wanted him to be happy.

"Your home late tonight," Ino smiled when Sakura walked through the front door. Sakura smiled at her. Ino was dressed in her silky nightgown and had one of Kankuro's sweatshirts pulled over her shoulders. It was chilly tonight. Kankuro was lounging next to her, his arm around her shoulders.

"I was with Naruto," Sakura told her. Ino nodded slowly, Sakura knew that Ino wasn't stupid. Ino was catching on to the fact that Naruto wasn't who he used to be. Kankuro knew it as well but neither said anything about it.

"Are you going to bed, Sakura-chan?" Kankuro called after her. Kankuro had become the older brother in her life and she liked that. He worried about her as if she really was his younger sister and, though it sometimes made Ino jealous, Sakura liked it.

"Yeah," Sakura said as she walked into her room and locked the door. Only when she was undressed and she turned her stereo on did she allow herself to cry. Everything she'd been feeling all evening: the sorrow, the loss, the regret. Everything poured out of her as she pulled out her kunai. The blood came quickly at first, exploding from the newly formed cut and pooling on the wood floor beneath, then slowed afterwards. Her tears dripped into the cuts; mixing with the blood.


	2. Naruto

Chapter Two

Naruto woke the following morning with a terrible headache. He looked around the room and discovered he was in his apartment. His clothes were off and thrown on the floor. His house key was resting on the floor nearby and the contents of his pockets had been placed on the counter next to his expired milk carton and his moldy loaf of bread. His pulled himself up, checked the time, and swore under his breath. He had practice in fifteen minutes. He pulled on his clothes from the night before and put his things back into his pockets. He then poured himself a glass of water and rummaged around until he found his bottle of aspirins. He swallowed five and downed his glass of water. Sakura would of killed him if she saw how many he'd taken but he didn't have time to wait for the pain to ease naturally. A few months ago Naruto had dabbled into the world of drugs and it took Sakura a long time to convince him that it was a bad idea.

Naruto looked at himself in his bathroom mirror after he splashed cool water over his face and wet down his hair. He still looked like a mess. He had dark circles under his eyes; from lack of sleep over the last seven or eight months. He normally only got four or five hours of sleep a night, less if he found someone to take home for the night. Sakura didn't like when he found some hot girl to take home for the night. She thought he was sexist for bringing them home, sleeping with them, and probably never seeing them again.

He suddenly felt a wave of guilt and shame wash over him but pushed it away. He left his apartment and quickly made his way towards the training grounds. When he arrived Sakura and Sai were waiting for him. Sakura was wearing long sleeves again today, he'd grown used to seeing the sleeves. The only times she didn't was after she had healed her cuts and she could say the scars were training wounds. He felt the shame and guilt rise again and once again he pushed it down. She didn't deserve this life that he made her put up with. If he wasn't so stuck up on his problems and his own pitiful life he bet he could easily make Sakura better. Maybe he'd win her heart, but probably not, at least she'd be better.

"Sakura," Naruto whispered quietly. Sakura pulled at her sleeves and looked away from him. Naruto blinked back his tears; he caused her to do this to herself. Naruto leaned against the tree she was sitting under.

"What should we do for practice today?" Sai asked them, his smile bright and genuine.

"Whatever, I'm tired." Sakura yawned and kept her eyes glued to a single lily that was blooming on the other side of the training grounds. Naruto saw her eyes sparkle as the sun came out from behind a cloud and a beam of light hit her. She looked so beautiful and Naruto felt the urge to pull her into a hug. To say he was sorry a million times until she knew he was honest. Then he'd lift up her sleeves and use all of his energy to heal her until even the scars were gone. He'd heal her until her heart didn't hurt anymore.

"Alright," Sai went into lengthy detail developing a training plan for the three of them. Sakura and Naruto went along with it and did their training in a daze. Sai pretended not to notice them. Sakura was more preoccupied with keeping her sleeves from riding up and she often rested because it was hot out and she was getting too warm. Naruto was busy focusing on not working to hard because the medicine made him dizzy and he frequently felt the need to puke.

Practice ended around noon and Sakura and Naruto were eager to get home. Both needed more sleep. Though, despite their apparent need of rest, they both agreed to accompany Sai to lunch. Sai insisted he'd treat them both to ramen as a way of expressing his friendship towards them.

**A/N: **Sorry this chappie is short. I'm at my dads and I need to go back to my moms in a bit so I have to go. My mom doesn't have internet so I decided to post what I had. I'll write more as soon as I can. School is starting Wednesday though =[ and so I'll defiantly have mroe by next Sunday fo sure!


	3. Sakura two

Chapter Three

Sakura grumbled her order to the woman behind the counter and rested her chin on her hands. Naruto, despite his love of ramen, kept his attention focused on her. Sakura hated how Naruto always looked so regretful the day after. He had no right to act as if all her problems were because of him and if he cared so much he should stop drinking and get his life back together. He wouldn't though; Sakura knew it and so did he.

"Isn't this fantastic?" Sai asked them both, a smile tugging at his lips but not truly coming through. Sakura remembered that smile from when they first met. It was a fake and deceiving smile that still put Sakura on edge. Mostly, though, Sai just used it because it was how he was used to smiling and not because he was up to something dire.

"It's good," Sakura nodded and smiled. Sai still didn't know her fake smiles from her real ones; the only people who could tell them apart were Sasuke, Naruto, and Kakashi. Even Kakashi had difficulty telling them apart at points.

"I'm glad you like it, Sakura," Sai beamed and Sakura felt bad for the lie. The ramen was good but Sakura wasn't hungry. Naruto stayed quiet, for once, and finished his ramen quickly.

"Would you like more, Naruto?" Sai asked him; Sai's eyes grew in size as he anticipated the response.

"No, I'm full." Naruto looked down at his empty bowl, his expression blank. He looked ready to cry, his hands bawling into fists. He jumped out of his chair suddenly, "I should go, bye." Then he ran off.

"What do you think he has to do, Sakura?" Sai turned to her as the woman came and took their bowls and asked if either wanted seconds. Both declined, Sai paid the woman, and they left.

"Not sure," Sakura shrugged nonchalantly though she had a pretty good idea. He'd probably go home and throw up. Then he'd brush his teeth, possibly wash his hair. Then he'd either head over to tsunade's grave for the rest of the day or head over to the hot springs.

"Well, I should go." Sai told her after they walked in silence for awhile, "I have to go to the library."

"Mind if I join you?" Sakura asked him. She didn't feel like going home so early yet. Ino left early this morning for a mission and Kankuro went to visit Gaara-sama and Temari for a few days; and Sakura didn't want to be home alone all afternoon.

"Sure," Sai smiled a huge blinding smile that made Sakura smile as well. Sai took Sakura's hand in his, an innocent sign of his friendship towards her, and pulled her eagerly down the street.


	4. Your choice D

**A/N: **Alright, I'm not sure who I want to be coupled with who for this story…after all it is a romance. So for my plot to work I need to have couples but I have a few ways the story could end depending on who ends up with who. So, I thought I'd let you guys pick so _please _send me a message or write a review that includes your pick.

**Sakura's choices:**

-Naruto

-Gaara

-Sai

**Naruto's choices:**

-Sakura

-Gaara

-Hinata

Thanks a lot for your help. It's fantastic =] enjoy the story.


	5. Naruto two

Chapter Four

Naruto arrived back at his apartment and changed into a clean pair of clothes and brushed his teeth. He ran his hands through his blonde hair and decided he could wait another day before washing it. He then left his apartment once more and made his way towards the graveyard of the Hokages'.

Tsunade's grave was elegantly decorated with gems and flowers. Her favorite bottle of liquor was sitting on the grass next to her. Naruto opened it and took a sip then dripped a bit onto the grass for Tsunade. He then closed the bottle and put it back.

"Granny Tsunade, everything is messed up," Naruto said after he sat with her in silence for a few moments, "Sakura is pretty messed up thanks to me. Sasuke had something to do with it too; but we already talked about that. I mean, she misses you and I know she blames me for your death. You were her sensei. I miss you too and my life since then is a mess. I'm not worth saving, Granny. You should have just left me dead once the Akatuski were done with me. I'm not deserving of this second chance and Sakura would be so much better off without this."

"Naruto-kun?" a sheepish voice whispered quietly. Hinata peered out from behind a tree. Her long dark hair was pulled back and she was dressed in her training uniform. Naruto couldn't help but stare at her curves that she'd developed in the last year. She felt his eyes on her and a blush lit up her face and down to her collar bone.

"Oh, hey, Hinata," Naruto looked away from her. Hinata, who'd become more outgoing in the last year, came took a seat next to him.

"What are you doing here?" Hinata asked him quietly, she blushed as she spoke. Naruto was glad that Hinata was stepping out of her shell and actually speaking.

"I'm talking to Granny Tsunade," Naruto hoped she didn't overhear the conversation he was having.

"Oh, well, sorry to interrupt, I was just coming to give her these," Hinata placed a bouquet of yellow flowers on the grave before standing up again and turned to leave. A few steps away she turned her head and looked at him, "by the way, Naruto-kun, I'm glad you're still around. You deserve the second chance Tsunade gave you. Tsunade wanted you to reach your dreams; she believed in you like I do." With that Hinata ran off. Kiba was calling for her.

Naruto didn't speak to Tsunade anymore. Just opened up the liquor gave some to her and took a large gulp for himself. It was strong but it only made him a little dizzy. It was times when someone told him something like that he felt worse about him. He couldn't look at Tsunade's grave; he pictured the lecture she'd have for him.

He left earlier than planned and wandered down to the bar where he goes every night. Sakura always shows up around midnight and stays until he heads home. He shot pool for awhile and hit on some of the girls who wandered in.


	6. Sakura 3

Sakura

Sai spent five hours at the library. Reading books and putting them into his book bag or slipping them back onto their shelf. Sakura followed behind him; studying how he so carefully opened the pages and his eyes slid slowly along as he read. His pale fingers turned the pages gently, as if he thought he may damage them.

"Sai, it is getting close to dinner time," Sakura, who had barely touched her lunch, felt the rumble in her stomach.

"Oh, yes, I am sorry, Sakura, I love books so much. I loose track of time," Sai smiled at her, "I am going to stay a bit longer but you should go and eat. I'll see you at practice tomorrow,"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," Sakura smiled back and left him quickly.

Sakura walked down the street that had most of the restaurants and she selected a simple restaurant that didn't put fake lettuce on her plate and didn't serve her tea with a fancy lemon wedged onto the side of the cup.

"What will you have?" the waitress bounced up to her quickly. Sakura was taken aback by the sheer happiness and joy that this girl seemed to radiate; Sakura couldn't help but smile. Sakura wondered if back when she first graduated from the ninja academy she too radiated such happiness from her soul that just by being near people she made them feel less troubled.

"I would like some tea and sushi, please," Sakura felt as if the weight on her shoulders had vanished momentarily as she sat in this restaurant; alone with only her in the booth and this happy girl taking her order.

"Tea and Sushi?" the girl raised her eyebrows and looked like she was restraining from sticking out her tongue. Sakura remembered how she used to act like this too; trying to please people and attempting to hide her own opinions.

"Would you recommend something else?" Sakura asked her. The girl shook her head no but Sakura knew she was lying, "All right,"

"That'll be right up," the girl scurried off.

Sakura sat patiently; studying the interior of the restaurant. The walls were a pale blue color and the floor was made out of a light wood. The tables were arranged so people felt like their table was somewhat secluded but still were close enough to fit all the people that came in during rush times.

"Here you are," the girl came back a few minutes later; sushi and tea on a small round tray that was balanced on her hand.

"Thank you, how much will this be?" Sakura pulled out her purse.

"the sushi is half off after five," the girl said as she seemingly did the math in her head, "So that would be five and the tea is three. So eight and tax is one. So nine,"

"Okay," Sakura pulled fifteen from her purse, "keep the rest as a tip,"

"Are you sure?" The girl seemed surprised.

"Yes, I don't have any singles. I only have a five and a ten so keep it all," Sakura smiled as the girl skipped off; Sakura felt comforted in knowing she could still make someone smile and happy despite the fact she lost the sheer happiness that radiated from her.

She ate her meal silently; the tea was good but she understood why the girl was raising her eyebrows at the sushi. It was not horrid but it was not exactly good either. When she finished she knew she had just enough time to go home, shower, change, and go find Naruto at the bar.


	7. Naruto 3

Naruto

By the time Sakura showed up around ten Naruto was wasted. Usually he wasn't this drunk until almost midnight but Hinata's words stung. He needed to clear his head and forget everything. The best way to do that was to start drinking before five and not stop until well after midnight. He hoped by the next morning anything that happened today would be long forgotten by tomorrow morning.

"Naruto," Sakura slid into the chair next to him, "I'm here,"

"You came to drink too?" Naruto slurred his words, "Hey, Taco, get my girl here a shot. She needs to catch up,"

"Oh, Naruto, I shouldn't," Sakura looked at the shot that 'Taco' brought to her.

"It's Paco," Taco replied.

"Whatever," Naruto sipped his drink and watched eagerly until Sakura downed her shot. He ordered her two more. He knew Sakura rarely drank and her drinking even a little resulted in her getting very drunk but tonight her didn't care. He wanted her to relax, unwind, and have fun with him; not to sit around looking uptight until she stalked him home.

Naruto watched Sakura intently to make sure she drank the drinks he bought her. Once he knew she was getting a little buzzed he didn't watch so closely because he knew by then she'd drink them without truly thinking about it.

By midnight Naruto was drunk, but not as drunk as he wished he would have been, but Sakura was definitely wasted, "Want me to walk you home, Sakura?"

"No, I should walk you home, Naruto-kun, I have to," Sakura slurred and he nodded and they walked back to his apartment.

Step after step he helped her up to his apartment and allowed her inside. He didn't really know what happened once they got inside his apartment. Normally he was passed out by now or too drunk to remember how things happened. He was rarely drunk enough to be thinking about anything other then sleeping; but tonight he was and he knew what he wanted to. Trouble was he didn't have a whore to do it with; only Sakura who may or may not remember this in the morning.

He thought for a moment about whether he should go through with this. Sakura may never speak to him again and he'd be truly alone. Then, he realized she may realize how much she loves him and they may grow closer. He felt it was worth the risk.

"Now what?" Naruto whispered into her ear. Sakura giggled and turned to look at him; her lips inches from his.

"Well normally I follow you to your bed and take your clothes off," Sakura blinked a few times, "though; you're awake so I don't think I have to,"

"Well, you could anyways," Naruto put his hands on her waist and pulled her into a kiss.

"Okay," Sakura nodded slowly and he scooped her into his arms; kissing her all the way to his bed. Once they reached his room he tossed her onto his bed and eagerly tore at her clothes.


	8. Sakura 4

Sakura

Sakura was woken up by her head pounding, the water from someone's shower hitting the shower floor too loudly, and the urge to throw up. She looked around, confused; it took her a moment to realize she wasn't at home and another moment to realize she was in Naruto's bedroom.

"What the hell…" she murmured to herself and then realized she was not wearing any clothes.

I am going to kill Naruto. She thought to herself as she pulled on her clothes; clutching the sheets around her until she was in her panties and bra. She took a moment to clear her head before she left the room and pounded on the bathroom door.

"Naruto, get your ass out of there right now!" she hollered at him. She heard the water shut off and him rustling around in the bathroom for a few moments and then he opened the door. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and his blonde hair hung in his face, wet and dripping water droplets onto his bare chest.

"What is it?" he asked as he scratched his head. He wasn't going to fool her. He brought girls home when he was able to still function properly. If he was wasted enough to the point of not remembering he could not have managed to get her undressed and into bed. He would have passed out, front door hanging open, contents of his pockets spilled on the floor, and he would still be passed out right now.

"What made you think that taking advantage of me while I was drunk was a good idea?" Sakura screamed at him; she felt tears welling in her eyes but she refused to cry. Not in front of Naruto. Not over this. He didn't deserve to see them. He made it painstakingly obvious that he didn't care about her at all anymore.

"Sakura, we were both very drunk last night," Naruto spoke slowly as if he had to think about each word he said. Sakura glowered at him.

"I knew it was you who instigated it, Naruto," Sakura spoke harshly, "even when I'm drunk I know better then to go and have sex. I was saving that for someone special, you fucking asshole."

"Sakura," Naruto was visibly taken aback by the fact Sakura had still been a virgin, well, up until last night anyways.

"No, don't fucking say anything, Naruto, there is nothing you can say to take back what you did. I know you knew what you were doing. I know you. You only take home a girl when you can function enough to remember it the next day. So you know who you slept with. You are a disgusting pig, Naruto."

"Sakura," Naruto said her name again and leaned against the wall as if her words were causing him physical harm. She wished they were.

"I hate you," Sakura said after a long silence. She said it softly, "I hate what you have become. Don't you realize what you've done to yourself, Naruto? What you've done to me? I hope you're happy about what you did last night because you just lost the only friend you had left."

Sakura couldn't keep the tears in any longer and a few slid down her cheeks. She hated herself for showing him how venerable she was and how sad he made her. She then realized she couldn't keep herself from vomiting any longer and rushed to his toilet; where she laid, head looking into the toilet bowl, for what felt like hours.

When nothing more was coming up she was left with only her broken heart and a headache. Naruto was waiting outside the door with aspirin and a glass of water. He had gotten dressed and was looking at her with concern.

"How do I know you didn't spike any of that just so you could get one last peek before I never speak to you again?" she ask coldly. She did want them but she knew he'd take that as her accepting his unspoken apology and as an okay to keep drinking.

"Sakura, I didn't" Naruto whispered, "but you don't have to take them if you don't want to."

"I don't," Sakura spoke sternly and went to slip on her shoes. She almost was hoping for Naruto to suddenly say he was sorry for drinking and for sleeping with and for everything he's done over the past few years to make her feel so broken on the inside. He didn't though. Naruto never apologized. He just looked at her with sad eyes, like he kind of felt bad, and would always buy her lunch or flowers. He never said sorry and never stopped.

"Uhm, I'll see you at practice," Naruto said softly as she opened the door.

"No, I'm sick," Sakura glared at him, "I don't think I'll be at practice today or for a long time."

She knew that Naruto wasn't dumb enough to think she was just talking about her headache. She knew that he knew she meant she was emotionally sick. Sick of his drinking problem, sick of how he treated her, sick of what her life has become, and most of all disgusted that he took advantage of her. She then left him there and started home.

She took the longer way home, sticking to back roads, so that Sai or anyone else wouldn't see her leaving Naruto's house this early in the morning. When she arrived home she called Sai and told him she was sick and couldn't make it to practice. Sai sounded very concerned but after some convincing she got him to still go to practice and not come check on her. He had insisted on bringing her some soup and other things to help her rest and get better; she was glad she got him to not bring them. She looked at the clock and knew she had two hours before Kankuro got back from his trip and four hours until Ino returned from her mission.

She shut her door and pulled out her Kunai. She wasn't in a rush to cut herself today. She did it slowly; relishing in the fact that this pain, the pain she caused herself to have, was the one thing she could control right now. She did so slowly and cut deeper then she had before. She pretended the blood was washing her pain away; was washing away everything Naruto had done to her. She slowly felt herself getting light headed and wondered if it was from her losing to much blood but the decided it was due to the fact she hadn't taken any aspirin yet.

It wasn't long before she got sleepy and her eyes drooped shut.


	9. Naruto 4

Naruto

Naruto hit his head against the wall a few times after he watched Sakura walk out the door. He had ruined everything good in his life. He started by picking up drinking, slowly withdrawing himself from society, not hanging out with his friends unless he had no choice, declining missions, dabbling in drugs, and now by pushing Sakura away. He was completely alone to wallow in his pity, like he'd used to always want. He was a terrible excuse of a person.

"Naruto, you need to fix your life," he spoke softly to himself. He repeated last nights and this mornings events over and over in his head as he got ready to go train with Sai. Sakura called Sai and said she was sick. He couldn't do the same even if he wanted to. It would be suspicious and he didn't want to complicate things for Sakura.

"You need to fix your life starting today," he looked at himself in the mirror, really, truly looked and was shocked at how different he looked. Yeah, he was older looking but he looked older then a sixteen year old should. Four years ago he looked like a little rebel boy and just last year he seemed to have such a bright future ahead of him still. What had he done to himself?

He hurried to the training area so he wouldn't be late. He found Sai sitting up in a tree, sketching the flower Sakura was looking at yesterday. He didn't try to smile as Sai bounced out of the tree, looking kind of upset.

"Sakura, she is ill today," he sounded concerned for her well being. Naruto felt his heart sink lower. He never was concerned for Sakura in the way Sai was. He always felt bad but he never really showed it or expressed it and he knew he would never do anything about it before. Now, only when he realized he pushed things too far, did he want to try and make amends. Now that it may be too late he wished to fix all the mistakes he's made.

"Oh, why?" Naruto tried to express concern but he was tired and depressed and wanted a drink.

"She just said she felt like she was going to puke or something," Sai frowned, "she wouldn't even let me bring her soup or anything."

Naruto nodded slowly. He should bring her soup and flowers and apology cards, "Well, you know Sakura, always stubborn and wants us to worry about ourselves before her. She knows training is important for us."

"I suppose," Sai seemed to think this was logical and let the subject rest. They then both trained. Naruto pushed himself to work harder then he had in a long time; partially to keep himself from thinking about Sakura or drinking and partially because if he was going to get back to his old self he had to get back into good shape.

They trained barely an hour before the heard Kankuro yelling for Naruto. Naruto was confused; Kankuro hadn't spoken to Naruto since Tsunade's funeral. He looked upset when he finally got to Naruto, "We need to speak in private, Naruto."

"Uh, sure," Naruto didn't really get what the problem was. Did Sakura tell Kankuro everything that had happened? Naruto knew Kankuro was like her older brother. Sai smiled and left. They waited until they knew he was far enough away to not hear.

"Sakura tried to kill herself this morning," Kankuro said softly. Naruto felt his heart stop, "And I don't know why but with how things have been between you two in the last year I think it may have something to do with you."

"Is she okay?" Naruto leaned against a tree; his legs feeling shaky and like they were going to give out.

"I got home from my trip early, thank god, and went to see if she was home. I looked in her room and saw her lying on the floor in a pool of blood. She slit her writs. I got her to the hospital just in time. The doctors say she is fragile and lost a lot of blood. She'll probably be out cold from anywhere between a few days to a few weeks. Maybe longer. They really are not sure."

"I," Naruto stopped, unsure of what to say, "I need to see her."

"No, I you made her do this you are not going anywhere near her, do you understand?"

"I need to see her, Kankuro, I need to make it better," Naruto yelled at him. He felt tears stinging his eyes and running down his cheeks.

"Did you make her do this, Naruto?" Kankuro shoved him into a tree; holding him in the air.

"Yes," Naruto whispered, "I did this. I hurt her and I watched myself hurt her for so long. Yet, I was too self-centered and to focused on forgetting my problems to notice her falling apart right in front of me. I was too stupid to change once I noticed. I took advantage of her and now look what happened. I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it back. Sakura-chan means so much to me. I-I love her."

"Obviously not," Kankuro punched him in the face and walked away, "you can forget about coming to visit her, Naruto, I don't want you anywhere near that hospital."

"Kankuro, you can't keep her from seeing me,"

"I'm sure that she wouldn't want to see you either."

Naruto slumped further to the ground as what Kankuro said sunk in. He is probably right. Sakura said she never wanted to see him again. He only has made her life worse and more difficult then she needed. She doesn't need to see him when she wakes up.


End file.
